I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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