toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wear drunk well.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
