You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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