He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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