I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
