i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
