so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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