I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
