i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
