my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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