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So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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