i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
