just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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