There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
