Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
