If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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