dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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