I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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