so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
