If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
