She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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