i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
