then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
