no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
