i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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