that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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