Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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