Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
