I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
