he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
