I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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