You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
