Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
