yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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