So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
