he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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