South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
