I want to have your abortion
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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