3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
handjob tips. give me some.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
