Where did you get a picture of my penis
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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