My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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