I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
