sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
