If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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