I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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