Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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