I wish I only lived at night.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
