I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
