I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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