Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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