She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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