I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize