I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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