Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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