His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
