just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
