my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize