hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
