even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
