ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Couch. On fire.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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