I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
