hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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