i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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